My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
