I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
