oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
