I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
