Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
