I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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