what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
