eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
