one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
