dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
