I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
