I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
