she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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