Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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