I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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