I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
