I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love black thongs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the night ended with taco bell and tears
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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