Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
