Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
