Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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