rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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