I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
