Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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