I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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