Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
