Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
