You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
