She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
