I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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