You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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