i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
