I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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