Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
