I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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