im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
