2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are two peas in an std pod
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
