Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You dont lie about slip and slides
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
