They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
