he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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