I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
