i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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