Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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