i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
