Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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