I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
