bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
