I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
