You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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