Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
