the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
