Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
