ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
