So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
