the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
