We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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