I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
