Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
