chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
