I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize