youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
