i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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