And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
