Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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