I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
