He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
