I want to make a zoo with you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
