My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize