He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
