Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
