How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
In America we eat man semen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
