god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
