we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
