He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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