break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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