The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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