Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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