imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
