I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
