ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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