i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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