I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
