i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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